It’s not worth it for the regret. It’s not worth it for the addictions, the relapses. It’s not worth it for this feeling.
If I worry for you, it means I love you. I don’t want you to end up like me. I see some of the things going on around me. They hit so close to home, and I fear that my friends will get involved in the same crap I did. That I will lose them as I lost what I had before. I need them to be strong with me to hold me up as I hold them.
Having a part of me wanting to go back to that, drives me crazy. I feel that I can’t trust myself. I’d rather die than be like that again, which is a contradiction in itself. It was like I was dead anyways.
Thank you to all the good friends around me that I can count on. You are very loved and appreciated.